booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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