i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize