I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
pray to the hookup gods
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize