I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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