I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize