bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize