after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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