it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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