well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
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She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
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You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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