My friends, they love my intelligence
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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