everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
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dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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