i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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