An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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