i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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