I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize