I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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