I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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