dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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