I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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