they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
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at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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