Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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