I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well I just put wine in my tea
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize