O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
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I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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