I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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