We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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