Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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