Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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