Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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