you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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