I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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