i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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