so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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