I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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