so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize