we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
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Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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