All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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