I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
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Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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