Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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