from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize