bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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