Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
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I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
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The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm both gender and math confused
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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