I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
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