I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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