I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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