why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
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just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
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margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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