he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize