1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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