She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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