I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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