im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize